Chapter Two
Charlie gathered everyone in the hotel lobby and practically shouted the good news of the queen’s return loud enough for not only for the members of the hotel to hear, but also all of hell. After which, there was a brief moment of silent processing followed by a barrage of questions launched at Charlie faster than she could register. Of course, she quickly realized that she didn’t have any answers herself. Feeling suddenly overwhelmed she shouted, “mom said she’d explain everything in person so I guess we just have to wait until tomorrow!” She began to laugh nervously while wringing her hands.
Lucifer noticed. “Right! Yes! Tomorrow!” he chimed in just as loudly and clearly just as nervous as his daughter. The he cleared his throat and with a little more control over himself he added, “We’ve waited eight years, what’s one more day?” He internally jolted at the hint of bitterness that had crept into his voice towards that last bit. He hoped no one had noticed.
Alastor did. To him it was evident that neither Charlie or Lucifer were as fine and understanding as they made such a show of being. Charlie’s self-doubt and insecurities were shining through in all her actions while Lucifer seemed to be harboring years worth of grievances he was likely too proud to vocalize. The man is the embodiment of Pride so it wouldn’t be all that surprising if he were the sort of person to quietly suffer until his feelings festered rather than admit if something were bothering him. Alastor supposed he too might know a thing or two about that. I least I’m a better performer than the short king, ha! Perhaps that was why Alastor found it so enjoyable to poke at Lucifer a bit. It didn’t take much to rile the king up.
Alastor decided now was a good time to speak up. “Oooh?” he purred, “I’m surprised your mother didn’t request a more,” pause for dramatic effect, “private reunion. It has been quite a while and I’m sure you all have much to talk about, but seeing as how you’re so eager to put on a good show for us, I wouldn’t miss it! After all, witnessing the royal family reuniting after eight years is sure to be entertaining!”
Lucifer invaded Alastor’s space and glaring at his as he snarled, “why you,” he didn’t get to finish. Charlie immediately put herself between them.
“Dad! Alastor! Can you guys maybe not do…whatever this is right now? Or tomorrow for that matter!”
Lucifer looked at her like he was genuinely confused, “Do what, sweety?”
“Uhhg!” she exclaimed before continuing, “DO…” she tried to gesture between them wih her hands, “THIS…whatever this is that you guys ALWAYS do! Can you maybe just, not, please?” Charlie looked cack and forth between them pleadingly.
Alastor postulated, “My dear, I promise to behave as I always have. I wouldn’t do anything to disappoint you,” and then added under his breath, “unlike some people.”
“What was that?!” Lucifer tried again, but Charlie put her hand on his should to halt him and gave Alastor pointed look, but decided to just accept it. She looked at her dad instead.
“Dad, do you promise to behave?”
Lucifer harrumphed, “I will if HE will,” he said through gritted teeth.
Charlie sighed. She knew that was probably the best she could expect from either of them. “Anyway,” she said, “Let’s just all get some sleep for now and meet here first thing in the morning to prepare!” Of course she knew she wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight, but she was determined to try! She couldn’t be tired when she when the time came to meet her mom tomorrow!
As everyone headed off to bed, lucifer began to spiral. His wife was returning, and he had so many questions, but he knew it was probably best not to ask. He was used to uncertainty when it came to Lilith. She was very much her own woman and didn’t feel the need to explain or discuss things. She just did what felt right to her. Lucifer loved that about her, but he hated it felt like even after so many millennia he barely knew her. At some point his own self doubt had him afraid and walking on eggshells.
Am I good enough? Do I even deserve her? Does she hate me? How can she not resent me for condemning us both and dragging her down here with me? Among many other things I’ve done since then, that is. Should I just stay out of her way? All questions he had asked himself many times before. Even when she sought him out, he felt unworthy somehow. Inferior. Inept. There was always shame, guilt, pride, and the need to keep up appearances swirling within him.
He only felt like himself when he was alone creating things. Lilith had loved his creations, but after Charlie was born, she began to seem disinterested and disappointed. He knew it was all in his head. Lilith had said to him, “you can’t just keep Charlie with you all day filling her head with fantasies and stories of the past she isn’t ready to even try to understand. She needs to go outside and play with other children, go to school, socialize and learn.” He knew what she’d said, but what he heard was, ‘you’re a terrible father corrupting your daughter like you did me. Charlie deserves better. Don’t drag her down with you.’ Lilith had never said such things.
She was always kind, loving, strong, patient, nurturing, and comforting. She was perfect. Somehow that was the problem and they both knew it. She was a free spirit full of her own thoughts, dreams, desires, and emotions who was also defiant to her very core. Yet she was limiting herself, suppressing herself, caging herself to take care of Charlie and to be with him. She loved them so she sacrificed for them. Gave so much of herself and her own wants and needs aside for them. All while she inspired sinners, kept up appearances for the sake of Lucier’s pride, and still tried to perk him up and get him out of his own head. It only made it worse.
It only made him worse. The more she loved him, the more he hated himself. He wanted to impress her, to earn her, and for her to want to stay by his side and want him. The more he tried the more it felt like he was failing. He could never admit that he was ashamed. He just didn’t want her to see how flawed he was. She began to leave him to himself more frequently and for longer periods. He didn’t even notice. He was so consumed with trying to gain her attention and earn her affection and love, which he didn’t feel he deserved, that he didn’t even realize he’d been ignoring everyone and everything, including her. Ignored all of hell, the sins, Charlie, and even Lilith, the very person he was trying to hold on to and endeavor to deserve.
He took them for granted and he knew it. It was all his fault. He didn’t realize until they were already gone. Now he just wanted them back. He was the one who had left them. Locked himself away in his workshop day in and day out. He knew he still didn’t deserve them, but he loves them. He felt so pathetic. What would Alastor think? Wait…Alastor? Ack! No, brain, why’d you have to think about him? Who cares what that guy thinks?! Dumb red loudspeaker always interrupting him! Even in his thoughts! Like NOW! The stupid deer isn’t even present and he’s interrupting my thoughts. And no for the first time either! That guy has been occupying my hotel and my headspace for far too long! I’m supposed to be preparing for tomorrow and thinking about Lilly and that bellhop disrupted my thoughts and…oh…his spiral had stopped. He felt better somehow. He even felt tired enough to sleep.
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