Hell has never been quiet, even at night. There’s no peace in Hell, no rest for the wicked. Although the Hazbin Hotel does try to offer a safe reprieve from the chaos where one might rest their head (and soul), it’s sill a place in Hell where sinners reside.
Lucifer had tried to make it both durable and soundproof during the rebuild for exactly that reason. If he was going to stay here, he needed his beauty rest. Okay, that was lie. He was, after all, perfect. Lucifer was called The First Temptation for a reason. He didn’t need beauty sleep, but he enjoyed some peace and quiet. Was that so much to ask?
Apparently, yes. Even though the floor reserved for himself was secure from the rest of the hotel riffraff and warded against intrusion and sound, he did, unfortunately, share it with the hotel’s other supposedly distinguished resident. In Lucifer’s opinion, the guy was the epitome of riffraff.
Their towers may occupy opposite sides, but they still shared the floor and at least some proximity. Admittedly the jolly red giant had turned out to be at least some fun…to mess with, that is. Lucifer would never admit it out loud to anyone, but bickering with Alastor had become a daily source of entertainment for him, not to steal the other guy’s schtick.
Perhaps that’s why he felt compelled to hang the ‘No Alastors Allowed’ sign outside his bedroom door. Did he know it would only serve to provoke the red guy thereby having the opposite effect? Of course he did! Lucifer knew all about defiance and could sense it in others from several meters away. There was no way Alastor was going to ignore this blatant challenge. It was practically an invite!
Maybe it was. Lucifer did often find himself rather bored. So what if he purposely baited his frequent verbal sparring partner into entering his room? Lucifer had warded his room specifically against sound and most forms of damage, like fire and such, but not against shadow intrusion. Why? Because he knew Alastor would see the sign, accept the challenge, and enter his room via shadow travel.
Of course they’d bicker and fight like always, but in Lucifer’s room with all his wards no one would even hear them and the damage would be minimal. Thus, they could kick each other’s asses until they’re both content without disturbing the other residents, especially Charlie.
Right on cue, Alastor’s shadow slipped under the door. “Did you really think a sign was going to stop me? You should have at least put up a few wards.”
“Oh, I did put up a few wards, Bambi.” Lucifer was thrilled to see Alastor snarl at the nickname. “This room is entirely soundproof and resistant to most types of magic. Any physical damage is contained and easy enough to fix with a quick alakazam.” Lucifer internally congratulated himself as he watched realization creep into Alastor’s already creepy smile.
“I see. Were you expecting company? Myself perhaps? You must be awfully lonely to have left the light on for me like that? Do you expect me to be flattered?”
“I expect you to be humbled. You’ve been a thorn in my side since day one and I’m about to forcibly pluck from me AND MY DAUGHTER and yeet you into next Thursday.”
“Oh, for Hell’s sake, Lucifer, are you really still on about THAT?”
“I’ll show you what I’m on about. I’m about to prove to you what a tacky, cheap imitation you are, Rudolph.”
“Don’t act like you don’t know my name, Lu, it’s printed right outside your door in guided letters. You even spelled it correctly too. Who would I be if I were to pass up such a lovely, though desperately obvious invite?”
“Uh duh, of course it’s an invite and there’s nothing desperate about it. I just told you my intentions not five seconds ago. You need to be taught a lesson, and I didn’t want to disturb Charlie or any of her guests while school is in session.”
“Ha! Oh yes, that’s right, you consider yourself, hmmm what was it? ‘The Principle of this Eternal Detention? How poetic, if unoriginal.” Alastor rolled his eyes.
“I’ll show you poetic! Poetic justice!”
“My dear, I’m still waiting on you to follow through on your threat to show me sloppy.”
“Alright! One helping of sloppy poetic justice coming right up!” With that, Lucifer grabbed the demon with the intent to put him over his knee for a much-deserved paddling.
Alastor, of course, managed to flip around and grab the front of Lucifer’s shirt, inadvertently jerking them both to the floor in a ridiculous, childish tussle. “Did you just seriously attempt to SPANK me?!”
“Ouch! You dumb demon! You made me bite my tongue!”
“Serves you right! How dare you endeavour to spank me like I’m a child?!”
“That’s what you get for acting childish!”
“Me?! You’re the one hiding in your room playing with rubber ducks all day while the rest of us actually work! How am I the childish one!”
“Look what you did!” Lucifer sticks his tongue out to show Alastor where he caused him to bite himself. He realized his mistake too late.
As soon as Lucifer extended that forked tongue of his, while already barely an inch from Alastor’s face, with a bead of glowing blood pooling on one of the tips, Alastor’s brain stopped working. Instinct took over before either of them could think or react. Alastor’s own tongue shot out to taste the blood. Immediately both men went still and stared at each other wide-eyed.
Lucifer’s face started glowing with a golden blush as he stammered, “d…did you just…LICK me?!”
“It…” Alastor also struggled for words and sported his own blush, which had his face nearly as red as his suit. “I wasn’t thinking! It was just a reaction to the blood!”
“YOU LICKED ME! ON MY TONGUE! YOU…WE…THAT’S PRACTICALLY A…”
“Don’t say it!”
“Say what?”
“You know what!” Alastor had squeezed his eyes shut and flattened his ears in embarrassment.
Lucifer couldn’t help but find this new development a bit amusing. “A kiss?” He had to admit, seeing Alastor seemingly bothered by something this silly was doing wonders for his own confidence. His own prior embarrassment was now forgotten. “Aww, Bambi, was that your first kiss?”
“That wasn’t a kiss, Lucifer!”
“Mmmm our tongues met. What would you call it?”
“An accident!”
“Was it an accident?”
“Of course it was! What else would it be?”
“Maybe you were just using this opportunity to steal a kiss from The Devil.” Lucifer shrugged.
“I WOULD NEVER!”
To Lucifer, Alastor seemed disproportionately offended. “Never what? Kiss The Devil? Do you know how many people would kill to kiss me? How many people HAVE killed just for the chance to kiss me?”
“Steal a kiss. I would never just take something like that. I’m not some lowly deviant! I would kill, sure, but not…” Alastor stopped himself.
“Huh? Interesting.”
“What?”
“You’re mortified by accidental kissing. How cute.”
“CUTE?! Excuse me, but your old eyes must be deceiving you. Or have you finally gone senile? Do you not remember who I am? I am The Radio Demon, The Strongest Sinner in Hell! I am anything but cute.”
“Not right now, you’re not!” Lucifer burst into laughter. “You should see yourself, Bambi!”
Alastor cleared his throat and spoke calmly in an attempt to sound in control. “I simply didn’t wish to be mistaken for the sort of lecherous filth that allows base instincts to drive them to commit debaucherous depravities. I’m above such things.”
“Oh really?” Lucifer smirked suggestively. “It’s okay to admit you lost yourself to my charms. I am The First Temptation.”
“You could never charm me! Even IF you could, I’d never just take.”
“Even if it was offered?”
“What?”
“Are you telling me if I offered myself to you, you wouldn’t be the least bit interested?”
“I’m only mildly curious in regards to your blood, nothing more.” Alastor lied. He felt his face heat up as his blush returned. Of course, he was tempted by The Devil, he knew it, but he was only mortal. Even so, Alastor had always considered himself above such weakness. Though, if anyone could awaken his carnal desires, it was Lucifer.
“Are you sure about that, Alastorrrr?” Lucifer intentionally purred his name seductively.
Alastor shivered, but refused to submit to such obvious taunts. Two could play this game. Alastor knew a thing or two about being a tempter himself. “Hmmm why are you suddenly so interested in trying to tempt me, Lu? Afraid your skills are getting rusty? Or are you really just that lonely? I thought you had placed that sign outside your door as a challenge, but it seems you had other things on your mind. I didn’t realize you were soliciting my company and services.”
“No! This was not a trap! I mean, it was a trap, but not like a honey trap! It was just a normal trap, like the kind hunters use!”
“Oh, so you admit you were hunting me?” Alastor leaned forward such that their faces were once again pressed against one another in a similar manner to when they had quarreled during that silly song.
“I…it was just…uhg you know how we are!” That was the only explanation Lucifer could think to offer because even he wasn’t sure exactly what their issues were. They just seemed to be pulled to one another by instincts to fight? Compete? Something.
“Yes, and here we are again. Only this time, there’s no one coming to stop us. We’re in your room and, as you said, it’s soundproof, so if we decide to kill one another, who’s going to stop us?”
“Or kiss.” Lucifer said in a matter of fact way while his face was still very much pressed to Alastor’s, their upper lips occasionally just barely brushing whenever one of them spoke.
“What?”
“You said kill, but we could just as easily kiss.” Lucifer rolled his eyes as though it were obvious. “I mean, at this point this is practically our, what, third kiss?” Suddenly it dawned on Lucifer what he’d been saying so casually this whole time. “I’m just, you know pointing out the obvious! I’m not saying that we should! I was sayi-emph…”
Lucifer didn’t get to finish his attempted, and likely poor excuse for an explanation because Alastor had surprised the both of them by closing he minuscule remaining distance between their mouths. Even Alastor didn’t know what compelled him to do it. The blood still shining on Lucifer’s tongue as he spoke? Or the curiosity of actually kissing him perhaps? Not because he was ‘The Devil’, but just because he was Lucifer.
Infuriatingly Lucifer! Maybe Alastor just wanted to shut him up, call his bluff, unsettle him, and get another taste of his blood all at once. He did not expect Lucifer to relax into it or to offer his tongue for further tasting by slipping it directly into Alastor’s mouth! He also didn’t expect the hungry half growl half groan that escaped him. Hungry for what? He didn’t actually want to ‘eat’ Lucifer. Whatever.
His brain was abandoning him while his body was taking over and very much betraying him. Not only had he also relaxed into it and allowed Lucifer’s to invade his mouth and do whatever it damn well pleased, but he had even scooched closer to Lucifer and settled himself right onto his lap. Not that Lucifer was complaining or doing anything to halt this new development of theirs. Quite the contrary, actually.
Lucifer now held his hands around Alastor’s petite waist holding him there. He felt Alastor unclench his hands from where they’d been gripping the front of his shirt since the start of this debacle. He let them to rest on Lucifer’s chest then started moving slowly up until Alastor had loosely wrapped them around Lucifer’s shoulders at the base of his neck. Lucifer moved one of his own hands slowly down to Alastor’s enticingly protruding hip bone.
It seemed they were now entering a different sort of back and forth, a new way of testing one another, apparently by testing just how far the other wanted to go.
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